A day of confusions...
After this great weekend which a had after a long time, the reality comes very quick. talked two hours with L. yesterday - about the weeks ago, about our relationsship and that it can't go on like this.
It was partly very intresting what I heard... but I have the feeling that she know more as she admit to me. On the one hand I can't wait for the after next day but on the other hand I am scared.
On the one hand the pleasure, to see someone beloved, on the other the certainty to hurt him. I know it yet that he will be lost - and that it hurts to think over. He is not gratuitous equal to me and damn, he is very important for me. There aren't gratuitous dark moments in the last months which are due to his frame of mind but i can't change it, there will have left traces - in my head, too.
I only can hope that it won't be too painful and a mutual hurting...
we will see
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