postscriptum - Hated - beloved red tears

14.08.2005 03:20
I thought long, if I should write again but after the last time I wrote, the "inhibition threshold" dismantled a bit. Meanwhile I am using the razorblade which I never thought over for a long time...I was scared of the blade, of the pain but meanwhile it's the only way...

I feel the desire to break out of this circle, I also write a lot at the moment but it seems that anyway nothing can change...at least not in this measure I want it or it will be the best...

I ask myself why I write this now because actually I was pretty happy till a half hour ago. I'm sitting at my friends house und have a good evening and then it turns down...
maybe I regret it when I read it the next days but I also think that I'M not gonna cut it out, like the other "shit" I scrawled...
anywhere the stuff will lay down...

I wish you a good night and I hope can sleep at least a short time but I also don't believe it...